Today I (Marthe) want to write about being bi-sexual. In the LGBT+ community it sometimes feels like the ‘B’ is not really accepted, because we don’t really belong to any group, straight or gay. Nowadays I just want to strive for one community, like Queer, instead of compartmentalising people and putting them into one box. I totally understand that everyone wants to identify as something and maybe this helps create less confusion.
However, I would like to see it in a more fluid way, especially as sexuality is fluid. Of course you can identify yourself as gay, as I identify myself as bi-sexual. But someday I hope that the division disappears, including within the queer community, that there is no discrimination. For example I sometimes experience that transgenders are not fully accepted in the lesbian community. This honestly shocks me, because as a lesbian you are already considered “different” then than what society expects you to be. So why discriminate someone who wants to be accepted in the same way.
When I was 24 I found out I could also fall in love with a woman, this was surprising for me, as I wasn’t aware of this side of me. It never felt wrong, it felt amazing, I had the possibility to explore this part of myself and for that I feel blessed. (My Coming Out Story).
I identify myself as bi-sexual and no it’s not a phase. Before my relationship with Tash I was dating a man and no I wasn’t straight then. Now I am in relationship with Tash and no I am not a lesbian now. These questions or stigmas are something I experienced a lot. I will never forget the question from a colleague after I told her I had fallen in love with a woman for the first time, “So you just came out of the closet?” Closet I asked myself? No, I never felt like I was hiding a part of myself, that now all of the sudden I was a lesbian. I never felt like it was’t right for me to be with a man. I had just come out of a seven year relationship with a man and the relationship ended for several reasons, but never because I was no longer sexually attracted to him.
Yes this is true. After my first female relationship was over, I was single, but this time I was single as a bi-sexual. This was actually quite exciting but also overwhelming. Would I fall in love with a woman again or was it just a one time thing? I started dating other women and I found out I was definitely bi-sexual, because I would feel sexually attracted to other women. When I was on tinder I had both genders in my profile. Sometimes I asked myself, “What do I feel like now; a man or a woman?” This may sound very shallow, but hey I was single for the first time in a very long time. I noticed that people around me found it confusing. Saying things like, “Can Marthe not just stick to one gender?” But for me it all felt natural, when I was dating a man I was not dating other people and the other way around. I fell for the person and not the gender.
O yes this is a popular opinion of the lesbians I met when talking about bi-sexual women. I have heard this so many times and I got tired of it. There was a girl I dated for a while who really didn’t like men. The idea of sleeping with a man was revolting to her, “Yuck a penis!” Maybe ending up with a man is something that happens often or else these views wouldn’t exist. But I also want to say again, I fall in love with a person. This can be a man or woman. Now it happens I fell madly in love with Tash and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. So no, not all bi-sexual’s end up with a man 😉
This is usually the response from men. Whilst lesbians usually find it gross thinking of you sleeping with a guy, men find it sexy. I don’t know which one is worse. Men making it sexual, asking all these questions about scissoring and wanting to know if they can be a part of it.
I get this from men and women, and yes sometimes straight girls too, this question is a common one. Sex is a very personal topic and even semi strangers can ask this question. But to answer it now and for all; No I don’t miss it!!! There are many things two girls can do to fulfil this ‘penis need’. Read my earlier post: let’s talk about (lesbian) sex, baby.
This is also a funny one, some people think that when you are bi-sexual that you want to have the two genders in your life. This is the biggest myth there is. Because I fall in love with one person, that person gives me everything I need. I love and respect that person, that doesn’t mean that I want the other gender too. Yes I compare situations, after all there is a big difference between dating a man and dating a woman. But it doesn’t make me want someone else when I am in love.
In the end it’s just important that you can be yourself in a relationship, regardless of your ‘box’. With Tash I can be myself, she accepts me for who I am and she is not afraid that I will suddenly leave her for a guy. We talk about everything freely and that really helps me to be myself. We joke about hot guys and girls and talk about our previous sexual experiences. This is the most important point, it doesn’t matter what gender you choose to love, it matters that you find someone who loves you for you and who encourages you to be your most authentic self.
If you have any questions or comments, leave it below or message us on Instagram, @_breakingthedistance
Originally from Amsterdam, I am now living in London with Tash, after we finally ‘Broke the Distance’. I love travelling and want to visit as many places as possible.
Originally from Amsterdam, I am now living in London with Tash, after we finally ‘Broke the Distance’. I love travelling and want to visit as many places as possible.
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