Vulva! Don’t you think it’s a pretty word? Vulva sounds like a type of flower and as vulva’s are often compared to an opening flower it’s a good fit. If you read my last blog post about sex, ‘Let’s talk about (lesbian) sex baby’, you know I (Marthe) like to talk openly about sex. We have also discussed the topic in our podcast, ‘Let’s talk about sex’. Now it’s all about the Vulva and Orgasms.
In this blogpost I want to talk more about the vulva, often referred to as the vagina. However, vagina is actually the wrong name for her! First, some general knowledge that everyone, women and also men should know!
In the image below, you can see the external female genitalia. The outer and inner lips are protecting the woman’s clitoris, urinary opening, vestibule and the vagina. The vagina is connected to the cervix and my dear friends that’s how you make babies (lol sorry).
The clitoris is the female sex organ and our pleasure centre (fun fact, ostriches have a clitoris too! Despite that they still look quite grumpy). The clitoris is so much more than we can see, that is quite literally only the tip of the iceberg. In this picture you can see how big the clitoris really is. It extends through the labia and goes all the way down to the anus. The extensions of the clit can swell with blood during stimulation, this makes the vagina wet.
It looks surprisingly like a penis, but maybe not so surprising because the male and female genitalia parts are made from the same tissue. Once a foetus is 8 weeks old it develops either a penis or vagina (depending on the Y or X in the DNA).
The clit is so much more than a button you can press. The end of the clitoris contains about 8.000 nerves, that’s twice as many as the penis! Want to know more about the clitoris? (10 things you never knew about the clitoris).
What about the G-spot? The famous G-spot is still quite mysterious. Many believe that the G-spot is part of the clitoral network inside the vagina, located on the upper vaginal wall. It can feel raised or bumpy when you put your fingers inside. The G-spot can help women reach a vaginal orgasm and yes some even ejaculate! Want to know more?
Every vulva (pussy, that’s the name I like) looks different. Unfortunately social media and porn has made us believe otherwise. The “porno pussy” looks like it doesn’t have inner lips. Everything is symmetrical, perfectly pink with hardly any hair. But please don’t let this mislead you, because this is more of an exception than a rule. It’s very normal that your inner lips are bigger than your outer lips, or one lip is bigger than the other. More and more (teenage) girls are now signing up for labiaplasty, done to try and achieve the imaginary ‘porno pussy’.
Every pussy is beautiful and you can lose feeling in your vulva after you have had surgery. Dutchies Iris and Roos made a book full of real life pussy’s, called ‘The Pussy Book’. Take a look! But first, I recommend that you take a small mirror and have a good look at yours and give her some love!
Whilst we have the clit and the G-spot, it unfortunately doesn’t mean that women have orgasms all the time. Many different studies give different numbers, but the overall conclusion is the same. By reading a lot of studies and articles I can say 18-35% of women experience an orgasm during penetration, 50-65% have orgasms during sex, 20% have rarely orgasmed and 5% never orgasm. Whilst +/- 95% of men have an orgasm during sex.
Why is this? It can be due to different things, e.g., sexual trauma, unbalanced relationships, beliefs, religion, traditional sex and so much more! But it also has to do with the sex itself. In a heterosexual relationship the focus is on penetration, but only 25-35% of women can experience an orgasm through penetration only. Along with that a woman needs approx. 14 min to reach a good climax. So a quickie is maybe not so satisfactory.
Is the sex in a lesbian relationship better? As a bisexual/pansexual I can compare. I have to say; I do LOVE lesbian sex a lot, but it’s all very personal and everyone is different. It is said that lesbian couples don’t have sex as often as straight couples but the quality is better. Lesbian couples have a sex duration of approximately 45-60 min, whilst straight couples have a sex duration of approximately 15-30 min. A study shows that lesbians report having an orgasm during sex 86% of time, whilst only 65% of the women in heterosexual relationships report this. Female sexual satisfaction has to do with foreplay (oral sex), duration and multiple orgasms. Want to know more? Read this article in pink news. But that doesn’t mean ‘straight’ sex is bad at all, it all depends on your communication and openness with your partner.. So it’s not all lost for men 😉
After that is said and done, it is time for the vulva revolution! Sex experts Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross have the motto, “Better orgasms, better world”. Who wouldn’t agree with them? Whilst orgasms have a positive effect on your body and your mental well being, it also just feels incredible to have an amazing orgasm! Visit their website if you want to know more about reaching your first orgasm, making your orgasms better and how to orgasm with your partner.
For me personally I haven’t had problems having an orgasm. As a teenager I quickly discovered how to do it. But I can say from my first 13 year old orgasm to now they have improved massively. If you feel comfortable with your own sexual identity and pleasure, it’s easier to share this with your partner. Even if you have a one night stand you can still have good sex. Communication is so important, know your limits and know what gives you pleasure. I just want to say to all the women out there, don’t feel weird if you have never experienced an orgasm or if it’s hard to have one. Try to be honest with your partner, do some self exploring and research, you are not the only one!
A few of you asked me to write about oral pleasure and how to give it. I thought about this, but it’s so hard to explain how to give oral pleasure to a woman, because every woman is different. It can be scary, going down on a woman for the first time. I was 25 when I did this for the first time and wow I had no idea what to do! Be honest and share this with your partner, for sure she will be understanding! Starting slow and gentle is always a good start, by exploring she will give you signs on what she likes.
I think it’s important to talk about female sexual pleasure more. For so long it has been taboo and a “forbidden” topic. Women have as much rights to sexual pleasure as men and yes we masturbate too! I want to finish this blogpost with that last sentence (lol).
I hope you enjoyed reading this and that you learned a bit. Let us know what you think and if you have any questions, feel free to contact us.
Originally from Amsterdam, I am now living in London with Tash, after we finally ‘Broke the Distance’. I love travelling and want to visit as many places as possible.
Originally from Amsterdam, I am now living in London with Tash, after we finally ‘Broke the Distance’. I love travelling and want to visit as many places as possible.
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