Welcome back to week 3 of ‘Breaking the Stigma’. This week, we have been talking to members of the Trans community, learning what their identity means to them. It is clear to see from each of these interviews, that the trans journey is something that is unique to each and every individual. We hope that you will take the time to read and connect with each of these stories.
How do you identify yourself? As Marquise
Age? 39
Country of residence? United States
Single or in a relationship? Single
I would describe my journey, as an on-going one. For me, my experience with transness has been non stop. Transitioning (socially and medically) didn’t stop with ‘me’, even though it started out that way, with just ‘me’. All of the relationships in my life have transformed. Family, romantic, employment and even my “sense” of community. There’s no stopping point, no “completion button” that somehow morphs me into ‘Cisness’ without morphing everyone else around me. My journey feels like both a gift and a curse. I stand at the intersections of my being, fully equipped with Blackness, transness, a female birth assignment and proudly walking in the world, read as a Black man. My journey has been informative and eye opening.
Well, the first thing people see, when they see me, is my Blackness. The next thing that computes is, Black man. Being read in the world as a Black man often means A) I’ve done something wrong or B) I’m about to. That’s something I have experienced while encountering police, women/femmes and within the larger LGBTQIA+ community. Something that feels impossible to escape.
The most positive influence and impact surrounding my transness would be my love of self … All of me. All of the experiences I come with, make me who I am. My transness allows me to show up in the world with my arms wide open. Because I know what it feels like to be pushed out and so I do my best to pull people in.
At first sight, when people initially encounter me? No, Usually, it’s not until my Trans status is known that folks are more inviting and even then that’s not always the case. As I have examined my Blackness, masculinity and what it means to be a Black man in America, I cannot help but notice and acknowledge that many queer+ folks have experienced trauma/violence at the hands of Black men. The way I show up in the world unfortunately can trigger those people. It doesn’t feel right but I digress. That’s a much larger conversation to have within the LGBTQIA+ community, regularly.
I would love to NOT see violence against Trans communities on the basis of transness alone. I would like to see cis communities willing to share space with Trans folks. To talk to us. To see us as human beings, who happen to have trans experience. I would like to see the Trans community have a longer life span/expectancy than those of Black Transwomen, who are expected to live only to the age of 35. I would like to see the world change its view of trans folk.
How do you identify? Straight transgender male
Age? 25
Country of residence? USA (Texas)
Relationship status? Married to my beautiful wife and she’s absolutely the light of my life and my biggest supporter.
I would describe my trans journey as easier than most of what my trans brothers have to go through. It started out rough but I’ve found myself and grown into my own sooner than I thought.
The stigmas I face are hateful people who will message me telling me I’m still a woman and that I always will be. It doesn’t hurt like it used to. I’ve come to accept that everyone is effected by their level of consciousness and they can only see what they accept to.
Being transgender has effected me in many positive ways. I’ve become a more spiritual person and a much kinder person. I’ve come to understand myself better and accept who I am one hundred percent. It’s also the reason I met my wife and fell in love.
I feel accepted by others in the LGBTQ+ most of the time and other times I doubt the support, because like I mentioned earlier I get some hate messages and they are from gay men along with others.
As for change I’d like to see in the trans community, well I’d honestly like to see people protesting for our rights too. For trans men and woman who do have a place in this world and play very important rolls. People don’t always know when someone is transgender. Your doctor or nurse could be, the kid staking shelves at your local grocery store, the woman treating your sick pet, that firefighter that saved your home. The transgender community needs more positive attention and acceptance. We are people, we are human, we deserve the same rights as anyone and everyone else.
How do you identify? I currently identify as both transgender (MtF) and gender fluid. Since transgender is an umbrella term, I will refer to it as my identity for the remainder of the blog to simplify things.
Age? I will be 29 at the end of this week
Country of residence? USA
Relationship status? Single
Although I was AMAB, I was always an extremely feminine person and I knew that from a very young age, that I was different from a lot of my peers. This caused me to experience a disconnect from my assigned gender and brought upon years of depression and gender dysphoria. After spending numerous years of careful consideration and in depth research, I was overjoyed to finally begin hormone therapy last year.
Since then, I’ve felt progressively more aligned with my actual gender identity with each passing day. Even though, I am now on HRT, I continue to present as male for certain aspects of my life such as for my professional work. However, I’m female for other parts of my personal life. I am not certain when, or if, I will completely transition, but this is something I am working on figuring out and may someday have an answer for myself.
Unfortunately many people continue to objectify and fetishise transgender individuals. There is also a misconception that if you’re transgender, then you’re most likely to be a sex worker or a nymphomaniac, which is simply not true. I witness this on a daily basis from dating apps and Instagram DMs. My concern for my personal safety is also significantly heightened, when I present more feminine, since transgender women statistically have a relatively high risk of being sexually assaulted or murdered. Another issue I have, is using public restrooms. When unisex, gender-neutral or single lavatories are not available, this makes me very uncomfortable and brings me a lot of anxiety.
The process of transitioning, patiently observing the gradual physical changes and emotional growth, has made me realise that it’s never too late to acknowledge yourself and become the best version of yourself. Over time, I have adopted this principle to improve both my physical health and mental well being. Although it continues to remain a work-in-progress, once I started accepting myself for who I am, that opened me up to seeing more possibilities out there for myself. It has also led me to meeting, interacting and making friends with so many new people both from within and outside of the LGBTQIA+ community.
For the most part yes, but in my opinion, I think that transgender individuals are probably the least understood out of all the letters of the LGBTQIA+ community. However, with so many individuals and organisations, such as yourself, advocating and promoting not only transgender people but also people from the other lesser known identities within the community, it helps raise more awareness for us, so thank you very much!
I would like to see standardised education pertaining to the transgender community being instituted in schools and the work places. So that these spaces can become safe environments for people to transition openly, without fear of any repercussions. I hope that, in the near future, there will be better and more accurate representation of transgender individuals in the media. I hope more resources become available for transgender individuals who may not have the means necessary to transition on their own. Ultimately I hope the transgender community will someday become universally accepted by everyone.
How do you identify? Female-to-Male transgender
Age? 27
Country of residence? CO, USA
I think like most trans folks, I would describe my journey as a rollercoaster. We often speak in terms of “dysphoria” and “euphoria”. To put it very simply, dysphoria is the feeling of disconnect between one’s assigned gender at birth (AGAB) and the gender one identifies with. Euphoria typically refers to the feeling when one’s appearance matches their gender identity.
So, throughout the day, someone in transition will experience a number of highs and lows. For me, I might catch myself in the mirror and notice that the shirt I’m wearing really makes my chest look flat, and the sleeves squeeze my biceps. This makes me feel masculine and strong and connected to my body. But then I head into the bathroom, and am made aware of the fact that I will have to sit to pee because my body is still not quite what it should be. My house is not yet a home, and that brings feelings that range from mild insecurity to relentless skin crawling.
The rollercoaster also extends to a macro scale, as we navigate difficult social situations, medical treatments, family dynamics, etc. Sometimes things are going well and feel great, surgery is scheduled, you’ve started hormones and then you find out a relative doesn’t want their kids around you anymore. These things aren’t always expected and it’s difficult to navigate.
I think trans men are fortunate to experience less stigma than trans women, people tend to find us less threatening. It’s a double-edged sword, however, because it’s founded in the idea that trans men are not real men. Due to the fact we were socialised female and tend to be smaller than cis men, we are perceived to be less physically capable. It can be lonely, as we feel out of place in traditionally female spaces but we aren’t always welcomed into male spaces right away. It creates an immense pressure to have to “pass” as the gender you identify as and maybe even live stealth, or hide the fact that you are trans, so that you are taken seriously as the gender you are.
Being trans has positively influenced me by bringing me into a community that is incredibly kind and supportive and generous. Prior to coming out as trans, I identified as a queer woman. The LGBT+ community, broadly speaking, is fairly welcoming but it didn’t quite feel like my “place”. When I was questioning my gender identity, I found an enormous community of trans and FTM folks who were sharing their experiences, being unapologetically open to help others in their own journey. I loved that, it helped me to feel ok with who I was and accept that I’m not bad or broken for feeling the way I had my whole life.
I absolutely feel accepted in the LGBTQ+ community. I understand there are some small minority groups who support a push to “drop the T” from LGBT. However, they are vastly outnumbered by those who support trans folks and understand that there are intersections between gender identity and sexuality and that both groups are much stronger when unified.
One thing I would like to see in the trans community is less gatekeeping. By that, I mean that there are a lot of binary trans folks out there who struggle to empathise with others who haven’t experienced being trans the way that they have. For instance, they want to exclude non-binary and gender non-conforming folks, or they police the use of the label “trans” when others don’t experience dysphoria in the same way they do/did. I find it a bit silly that anyone within the trans community, who has firsthand knowledge of what it means to be rejected or invalidated, would turn around and do the same to others. It’s a community, not a fraternity; there should be very few barriers to entry.
How do you identify yourself? I identity as a transgender woman
Age? 20
Country of residence? I live in the United States of America
Single or in a relationship? I am currently single
My trans journey has and still is a long and exciting one. I am a binary trans woman which, for me, means that I am taking the steps to fully transition into the beautiful woman that I am. This also means I am undergoing hormone replacement therapy (HRT), Gender Reassignment Surgery (GRS) and Facial Feminisation Surgery (FFS). Fortunately I am now a passable trans woman, but there was a time that I was often misgendered. Being misgendered is painful to deal with and no-one should have to go through that type of pain. Thankfully, I am rarely misgendered now compared to when I had only been on hormones for a year. Yet, I wouldn’t change a thing. My experience has made me grow stronger mentally.
The stigmas I’ve dealt with as a trans woman are that I’m a drag queen and a predator. Those stigmas have been hard to be associated with even though I don’t come close to being a predator. I’m afraid that I would be attacked just for living my truth.
Being trans has influenced me in a positive way by showing me who I really am and who my friends really are. I have grown more confident, comfortable, and happier. I love that I can now live a life without lying to myself everyday.
I do feel accepted in the LGBTQ+ community, because I fortunately have people who love and support me as well as my identity as a trans woman.
I would like to see more empowered and empowering trans individuals as well as more advocacy in the trans community. I would also like to see less judgement in the community as well.
We hope you learned a lot from what you have read, and feel inspired to connect with members of the trans community. It’s so important that as an LGBTQIA+ community, we learn to support one another, regardless of how much we understand.
Please go and read last weeks ‘Pansexual & Bisexual‘ post, as well as our first weeks post, ‘Gay and Lesbian’.
I currently live in London, working all over the UK as a performer and a presenter. I have a passion for writing and love sharing my experiences with others.
I currently live in London, working all over the UK as a performer and a presenter. I have a passion for writing and love sharing my experiences with others.
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Breaking the Stigma: Non-binary and Intersex - Breaking The Distance
June 24, 2020 at 4:23 pm[…] go and read the previous weeks posts about ‘The Trans Community’, ‘Pansexual & Bisexual‘ as well as the ‘Gay and Lesbian’ […]