Welcome back to week 4 of ‘Breaking the Stigma’. This week we are talking about everything from Q+. Intersex, Non-binary, Androgynous, A-sexual, Genderfluid and Genderqueer. In this blogpost we feature people identifying as Intersex and Non-Binary, as well as Kyanna who chooses not to identify. We will also release a second Blog Post later in the week to discuss the other topics like Androgynous and Genderqueer. So stay tuned for that too! Read the stories below and learn more about what it means to be Intersex and Non-binary, these are the people in the LGBTQIA+ community we know the least about.
How do you identify yourself? Queer, Trans, Intersex
Age? 41
Country of residence? US
Relationship status? Single
For me, intersex is a set of sex characteristics (gonadal, chromosomal, and hormonal) that as my homie Pidgeon would say are “too cute to be binary.” Intersex represents the beauty of biology. Although we relegate intersex variations to 1.7% of the human population, we actually don’t know whose intersex or not.
My intersex story is generational. This intersex trait manifested in the Jim Crow South in North Carolina where my Nana gave birth to nine children, three of whom were intersex. They were initially raised as girls before being reassigned as males. All of this happening during segregation, violent white supremacy, and my grandmother working as a domestic in white people’s homes on the other side of town.
I carry that story in my lineage because my intersex story is also shaped by Blackness and queerness. Similar to my uncles, I was assigned female at birth, but unlike them was castrated at the age of 13 and subjected to feminizing hormones. I would later transition to male at the age of 25 but realised the full extent of my intersex variation when my body didn’t synthesise testosterone in the same way as my FTM brothers. My experience is both trans (being assigned female at birth and transitioning to male) and intersex (my biological reality). Even though it was difficult at first, I knew that I needed to come out to create a place for intersex people to exist in the world.
As someone who is gender non-conforming, I am directly impacted by homophobia, transphobia, and misogyny. In the early part of my transition, I wanted to be seen as male at all times. To be affirmed as male, I participated in toxic masculinity that was harmful to myself, other masculine folks, and the women and femmes in my life. Now I don’t care how people see me. Regardless of what people see, I demand respect above all else.
Being visible as an intersex person feels like the truest part of my identity. I don’t have to hide who I am anymore. As a survivor of a harmful medical intervention, what happened to me was not my fault. I deserved so much more as a young intersex person. Those experiences have shaped me into a fierce advocate that not only fights for intersex people, but for all communities that are marginalised and vulnerable to state violence.
I feel like the queer community has given intersex people a platform to share our experiences. Some of the earliest supporters of the nascent intersex movement in the US was a group known as Transexual Menace, a group comprised, mainly of trans people who used direct action to support trans liberation. However, despite that acceptance, I feel that there is more work to be done for people to understand intersex issues. Although people in the queer community have been empathetic when they hear my story, there are still people who view intersex as a birth defect. Try to ask very invasive questions about my genitalia when I share that I am intersex or sensationalise intersex variations.
Website: seansaifa.com
Personal Instagram: @saifaemerges
Activism: @intersexjusticeprojectCreative
Creative: @unbornson
How do you identify yourself? I am non-binary (Gender fluid), Queer and I use they/them pronouns.
Age? 22
Country of residence? South Africa
Relationship status? Head over heels, in a relationship
I’ve always had a complicated relationship with femininity. I felt like femininity was constantly being forced on me. Getting dressed for a night out or for a formal event felt like getting dressed in drag. I felt like I was performing when I wasn’t around my close friends and family. I assumed I was just an insecure teenager but as I got older, I only felt more out of place. My non-binary journey felt like an awakening that happened slowly and then all at once.
After coming out as Queer I felt a weight lift off my shoulders but there was still a part of me that felt uneasy. I kept searching for reasons why, but eventually I just had to let it be. My assumption was, I just had to adjust to being out and being “allowed” to be myself instead of hiding parts of myself in fear of being “outed”. I am passionate about the LGBTQ+ community and I started to do a lot of research regarding trans identities for my Masters dissertation. Then I discovered the Gender Reveal podcast. I related to some of the guests on the podcast and continued to find non-binary content creators, reading about their experiences. I felt the remaining weight that I’d been carrying fade away. Now I understand myself so much better and my self-image has improved immensely.
Some people still struggle to see beyond the binary and unfortunately a lot of people don’t “believe” that non-binary genders exist, even within the LGBTQ+ community. It feels very strange when the existence of your gender identity is heavily debated. I know who I am, I don’t mind explaining my experience to those willing to listen, but my identity isn’t up for debate. I’m still here, whether people agree with my existence or not. It also feels like there is a stigma that non-binary is just a transitional phase when it’s an entire identity of its own. When I told my family I was non-binary, they assumed that I would want to transition in some way. It’s true that a lot of non-binary people do decide to take hormones or to get gender affirming surgery but it’s not the case for everyone.
I’ve had a lot of self-esteem issues growing up, because I used to be teased relentlessly. Discovering my non-binary identity has helped me to embrace all the things that I used to be teased for. I feel confident enough to rock my body hair and my style and all my little mannerisms that people deemed “unladylike”.
For the most part, I do! I feel like a lot of people are making an effort to educate themselves and to adjust their language to include non-binary people and it makes me so happy! The other day someone asked me for my pronouns and wow it really made me feel seen and accepted. Of course, you’ll still find some terfs in certain spaces but I’m starting to see more and more people defend non-binary folks and it makes the biggest difference.
I would love for non-binary people to become more visible. Cartoons such as Steven Universe has meant the world to me because it made me feel valid and seen. I’d love to see more representation in the media because the LGBTQ+ community recognises non-binary identities for the most part but a lot of people who aren’t a part of the community haven’t even heard about non-binary people before. I am hopeful for a more inclusive future because I am starting to see more non-binary writers, singers, actors out in the world and it’s such a delight to see. It’s so important to create a safe space so people feel free to be themselves. Representation is so important, I cannot stress this enough.
Personal Instagram: @Waywardswan
Creative: @Spec_on_the_spectrum (I make comics about being non-binary)
Couple’s Instagram: @Whimgliders
How do you identify? I don’t
Country of residence? US
I would describe my journey as a waterfall, all the bumpy rocks, and the tide of the water trying to push you against the current, all while trying to figure out the best course of action to stay on the path of least resistance.
Coming out was an experience for me already. I knew I had feelings for women, but that was about it. I didn’t think of anything else past that until I realised I was in a relationship with a partner who identified as “queer.” Because of this, I went through all sorts of labels trying to figure out which one was the best for me.
Was I a lesbian because I was now to be in a “lesbian relationship?” Was I bisexual? Because I’ve been with a man before, even though I have no romantic feelings for men, but knew there was a possibility that I was going to sleep with men in the future. I was confused as to how to go forward in life, in fear of my lifestyle not being accepted by the LGBTQ+ community. Until I realised that I was putting too much pressure on myself to identify and put myself in a box. So due to this, and my fluidity, I’ve chosen not to identify.
Recently, I would say the stigma that I’ve faced would be people merely trying to label me and call me a bisexual because of my lifestyle. Or stating that I’m scared to be bisexual because of the negative connotation it’s receiving in the community. I’ve realised that non-identifying is probably something people aren’t used to and feel like giving me an identity helps them understand me more. Still, in actuality, that’s further from the truth. I don’t want to place myself in a position that might leave me more confused in the future.
When I first realised I didn’t have to or want to identify, I felt like a weight had lifted off my chest. I spent about a year and a half trying to come up with something that would make sense to me, but nothing did. After my discovery, I felt free in all sense of the word. It felt as if my life was restricted, and then it wasn’t. I do who I want, what I want, when I want, where I want, and how I want it to be, with no pushback within myself. My spirit and soul feel unchained, and my mind is at ease. That’s one of the freedoms I can ask for in life and receive.
Regardless of what people may think of me, whatever opinions people may have about how I live my life, I feel accepted within the LGBTQ+ community. I feel included, seen, but struggling to be heard. But that’s why I do the work I do, to let people understand that there’s more than just the five letters you see when it comes to LGBTQ, others exist as well.
I would like to see more acceptance when it comes to saying, “I don’t identify.” Instead of the pushback of “oh, you’re a lesbian, oh, you’re bisexual.” I want people to start accepting the non-identity as a solid, and not just as a bypass for something else. Accept me and others for who they are and not what you want them to be.
Instagram: @TheKyannaSimone
Website: thekyannasimone.com
YouTube: TheKyannaSimone
Twitter: TheKyannaSimone
How do you identify? I identify as non-binary trans masculine.
Age? I am 31 years old.
Country of residence? United States.
Relationship status? I am currently single.
I would say it’s been interesting to say the least. I first came out as bisexual and androgynous when I was 19. It took me a few more years to understand I was actually non-binary and not just an androgynous female.
I would say the biggest one is people not even believing my identity is real. Non-binary is under the trans umbrella but it is one of the least accepted identities in our community. A lot of people don’t believe that you can be non-binary, you’re either cis or trans FTM (female to male) or MTF (male to female). But that isn’t the case. I’ve felt pressured my entire time online or in the community, to identify as something else.
It has connected me with other people like me, which is something I will be eternally grateful for. To know I’m not alone.
Not always, no. Again there is a kind of pressure to identify as something else. Non binary is not the most widely accepted but we’re getting there.
I would just like to see more acceptance and less gatekeeping. You don’t have to be anything or anyone other than who you are. There shouldn’t be pressure to identify as trans FTM or MTF. Non-binary is real and it should just be as accepted as everyone else.
Instagram: @nonbinaryspoonie
Tiktok: @nonbinaryspoonie
Twitter: @kbphoto615
We hope you learned a lot from what you have read, and feel inspired to connect and be an ally to the Intersex and Non-binary community. It’s so important that as an LGBTQIA+ community, we learn to support one another, regardless of how much we understand.
Please go and read the previous weeks posts about ‘The Trans Community’, ‘Pansexual & Bisexual‘ as well as the ‘Gay and Lesbian’ community.
I currently live in London, working all over the UK as a performer and a presenter. I have a passion for writing and love sharing my experiences with others.
I currently live in London, working all over the UK as a performer and a presenter. I have a passion for writing and love sharing my experiences with others.
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